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Barry Farmer, Single Man from Foster Care, Breaks Down Barriers to Adopt 3 Kids 

Barry Farmer does not fit your typical mental image of a foster parent.  

He began his life in kinship care and lived with his grandmother from ages four to 18 in Richmond, Virginia.  

“I was looking into becoming a truck driver actually when I saw an ad in the newspaper for foster parents ages 18+,” said Barry. He was twenty and single at the time. 

Intrigued, he completed the licensing process and within a couple of months received a placement for a difficult-to-place 16-year-old teenager from a group home. 

While this teenager had trouble adjusting to inner-city living and ultimately moved, he shortly after took in a seven-year-old boy, whom he adopted within the year. “Driving home from the courthouse, I remember him asking for a brother,” he recalled. “I was like, ‘I just adopted you 30 minutes ago.’” 

Within the next few years, he searched the Adopt US Kids photo listing and found his second son. He then received a call to take in a four-year-old from foster care, rounding out his forever family of three boys. 

Learning on the Fly 

Parenting was a big adjustment, especially multiethnic parenting (which is the case in 30% of domestic adoptions). 

“You don’t question white people with white kids, but often if you see a black man with white kids you think about calling the police,” said Barry. 

“From the beginning, I tried to be very inclusive and moved to neighborhoods where there would be other kids who looked like [them],” explained Barry. “I think parents who adopt [multiethnically] need to be committed to keeping their kids connected to their cultural backgrounds.” 

His past experience with the foster care system was helpful when relating to his boys. “These were kids who had experienced many broken promises. We took things slow and bonded, letting them call me ‘Dad’ when they were ready,” he said. “Once their adoptions were finalized, their walls came down and I began to see a big change.” 

His children are now all almost adults, with the last one in high school and the older two pursuing careers as a mechanic and in the army. What he lacked in parenting experience, he overcompensated in love and determination. “I approached fostering and adopting like any other thing that I’m learning for the first time,” explained Barry. “I decided that this is what I’m going to do and we’ll make it work.” 

Now the host of the Barry Farmer Morning Show, a syndicated radio show in Richmond, he is a very young soon-to-be empty nester and hopes to raise awareness for adopting older children. “Foster care is a nationwide epidemic,” he said. “Many people want a baby, but [it’s equally important] to be there for children in general. There’s a huge need.”